Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
