lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
