grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She made me pour olive oil on her.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
