DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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