sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
