Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
