tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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