i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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