I can text with my tongue
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He felt like a one man threesome
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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