so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Randomize
