Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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