Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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