After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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