Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
