Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
