maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
