Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
