we have officially lost it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
