Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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