While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
