my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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