My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
