They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
