Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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