i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
