I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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