My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
