just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
