I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
