She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
