when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
