need another drink. this is the easiest way
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
