im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
