yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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