so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
