So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
