Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
