so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
