smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
