I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
