a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
