there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
