is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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