i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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