her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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