If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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