sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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