He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
