dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
