Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
