I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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