his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So vagazzling was a success
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
