no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
